Chapter XLII: "That One Time Beowulf Pulled an Ohio Heist and Got Ratio’d by a Dragon" 🐉📉
Chapter XLII: That One Time Beowulf Pulled an Ohio Heist and Got Ratio’d by a Dragon" 🐉📉
So boom 💥 — turns out that goofy-ahh dude who tried to sneaky link some ✨drip✨ from the cursed vault under the wall? Yeah, bro was so cooked 💀. Dragon said, “Not on my watch, NPC 🛑👹,” and straight-up deleted some of his squad. Like… Ctrl+Alt+DEL type beat.
🔥 Vengeance arc unlocked. 🔥
Thing is, once a gym bro hits max XP and his story arc ends 📉… he can’t vibe with the homies at the mead-hall no more 🍻😭. Beowulf? He didn’t get the memo. Bro pulled up to the barrow like, “Ima solo this cursed DLC boss 💪🐉‼️” not knowing he just queued for his final raid 💀💀💀.
Anyway, the OGs who made that gold vault? FULL of red flags 🚩. Like they said “whoever pulls up here gets CURSED frfr,” and still some loot goblin said, “But what if I just take a lil piece tho?” 😭 And now look where we’re at.
🎙️ Wiglaf Has Entered the Chat 🧠💬
Wiglaf (aka ✨the only W friend left✨) stood there like:
“Y’all ever just lose your main tank ‘cause he wouldn’t listen? 😭💔 Like we told him — don’t mess with the dragon, let him keep his loot, let him vibe. But nah, Beowulf had to go full sigma and ‘face his destiny’ or whatever 🙄.”
Bro was in his feelings but still slaying 💅. He’s like:
“I saw the whole vault — no cap. It was giving ✨gyatt✨ levels of treasure. I pulled out as much bling as I could carry 🪙💎 and gave it to the big dawg while he was still breathing — barely 😢. He told me to pass the aux and let y’all know:
‘Build me a W clout tomb 🔥 on the fire hill. I want a monument SO BIG they’ll see it from across the map. I want to go out as the most based warrior to ever touch grass.' 💯”
📦 Loot & Legacy Time 🏆
Then Wiglaf went full manager mode 💼. Like, he called up seven of the realest warriors from the squad 🛡️, no mids allowed. They all rolled deep into the cursed vault, one dude leading the way with a Minecraft torch IRL 🔥.
And when they saw the hoard? 😳 It was just sitting there. Raw. Untouched. Covered in ✨rust and regret✨. No one even tried to RNG it. So they were like:
“Welp. Guess we looting this joint for Beowulf. He earned it. He paid in blood fr 🩸🐺.”
They dragged the cooked dragon corpse out the wall like it was last season’s battle pass 🐉➡️🗑️ and let the ocean speedrun it outta existence 🌊💨. Then they packed all that 💰generational wealth-tier treasure💰 onto a wagon and rolled Beowulf’s sigma corpse straight back to Whale’s-Ness for his final W send-off 😤📦🫡.
TL;DR:
Some NPC stole shiny stuff, dragon went beast mode, Beowulf said “I got this” 😤, didn’t got this 😵, Wiglaf carried the emotional damage 🧠💔, squad looted the vault, and now we building the most giga-chad funeral mound of all time.
Beowulf = W forever 🐺💯
🪦💬 “He didn’t just slay monsters. He slayed life itself.” — Wiglaf, probably.