Chapter XLI: “Ohio Civil War: The Prequel” 💀🔥🐉
Chapter XLI: Ohio Civil War: The Prequel” 💀🔥🐉
💥 When Swedes and Geats Caught Hands IRL 💥
Ayo so the Swedes and the Geats?? Yeah they were BEEFING hard fr 🥩💥. Like full send, no chill, straight-up World War Skibidi 🔥💀. Everybody in Ohio saw the bloodbath go down — the TL was COOKED.
Big bro Hygelac pulled up with the gym bros 💪, mad old but still on that sigma grindset 😤. Meanwhile, Ongentheow (aka ancient Viking Zaddy™️) got the 411 📲 on Hygelac’s giga-rizz stats and was like: “Yeeaaaahhh I’m not tryna get ratio’d today 👴📉.”
So Ongentheow straight yeeted himself underground 🚪➡️🪦 tryna protect his wife and kids like, “Not my circus not my monkeys fr” 🧍♂️👩🍼👶
🗿 SWEDES SAID “RUN IT BACK” 🗿
But the Swedes weren’t done 💅. They came back full "Skibidi Warfare Simulator" mode 🎮⚔️ and chased after Ongentheow like:
“You thought you could soft log outta this L? NAH 🛑‼️”
Then it popped off 👊‼️ Eofor came in like a sleeper pick from Smash Bros Ultimate 🐺🔥. Ongentheow? Bro was giving “Elden Lord final phase” vibes 🗡️ but Eofor said:
“This boss boutta get PATCHED 📉🧢.”
🥩 Wulf & Ongentheow: Beef Deluxe Edition 🥩
Then this dude Wulf (aka Weaponized Nepo Baby™️) jumped in with a jump scare attack on Ongentheow 💥😳. Blood went splat-splat all over the floor like a TikTok slime reveal 🧼🩸.
But Ongentheow? Still standing. STILL cooking. Old man pulled out a revenge slice like:
“Don’t let the gray hair fool you, lil bro 😤” BONK 💥🧓🗡️
Wulf got staggered, HP at like 4%, but he was still in the lobby 💀.
🗡️ Eofor Gets the FINAL KILL 🗡️
Eofor saw his brother down and chose violence.exe ⚔️. Pulled out this ancient giga-sword (probably dropped by a Minecraft Wither boss ngl 🧱🔥) and went:
“This one’s for the fallen homie 😤🗿”
He yeeted that blade through Ongentheow’s soul like a rage-quit in ranked 😵. Ongentheow = disconnected ☠️
💰 Loot Drop: Legendary Tier 💰
After the boss fight, the boys looted Ongentheow like:
🎒💀 Helmet 🗡️ Hard-sword 👘 Drip gear 🪙 “Hoard of the Ancients™️”
Delivered it all to Big Daddy Hygelac, who was like:
“W drop boys 😮💨💯”
He handed out rewards like MrBeast in Valhalla 💸:
- 100K gold stacks each 🔥
- And Eofor got… THE PRINCESS 💅👸 (aka Hygelac’s daughter)
No one could say Hygelac was stingy fr 🤑💯
💀 Death = No Rizz, Only Fire 💀
But then they realized... Beowulf, their Giga Chad leader?? Bro was 💀 cooked, like actually dead-dead. Cold as a mid pizza roll 😢🧊
They saw him laying there, ring-giver supreme, just... gone 🥺📉.
Next to him? The DRAGON 🐉🔥. Big, crispy, 50-foot-long final boss, burnt to a literal Dorito 💀. Bro had tried to sneak outside for a midnight flight but ended up respawn-camped by fate itself ☠️🛑
🔥 Drip to Ashes, All Mid Must Burn 🔥
The squad looked around like:
“So uh… do we keep the gold?” 🥲
Answer: NOPE. Beowulf said “if I die, y’all better light it all up 🔥.” So they had to drop all the glow-up rings, swords, gold bars, even the baddie necklaces 💅—all going in the 🔥 Ohio Fire Pit of Sadness 🔥.
“No maidens, no medals, just FLAMES fr.” 🔥🗿
🦅 Eagle POV Recap (aka National Geographic but make it ✨chaotic✨)
Eagles and wolves were circling like:
“Yooo dinner buffet just dropped 💀🦅🐺”
Meanwhile, one of the sad bros went full TikTok monologue mode 🎤:
“Now the girls won’t have necklaces, the harps won’t harp, the gold’s gone, and daddy Beowulf is six feet under 😢💀”
They all stood there, looking down at the king, W-leader turned final casualty.
✨Moral of the Chapter✨
Being a sigma alpha warrior king is great and all… But in the end?? Even the most rizzed-up Giga Chad gets cooked. 🔥👑☠️
F in the chat for Beowulf. 💀💯 May his grindset never be forgotten. 🛐🐺💪