Chapter XXXIX: Beowulf Got Cooked (Frfr) 🔥💀

aka “The Final Boss Fight Left No Survivors”

⚔️💀 Aftermath Vibes = Tragic AF 💀⚔️

Wiglaf pulled up to the battlefield like: “Ayo no way 😭” His homie Beowulf — the OG sigma alpha bossman 💪🐺 — was on the floor, 100% logged out of life. Bro had officially been ratio’d by a dragon 🐉📉. Just laying there, cooked beyond respawn 🔥💀.

Next to him? The Ohio cryptid dragon 🐉👹 — full-on perma-banned from treasure hoarding. Got clapped by some vintage war-sword DLC ⚔️💥. No more flying around at 3AM acting like he owns the place. Nah, bro got humbled 😔🪦.

“Used to be king of the bling 👑💍, now he’s just a burnt spaghetti noodle 💀🍝.” — local villager, probably

😬 The Cowardly L Squad Returns 😬

Meanwhile the 10 NPCs 🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍🧍 who dipped when things got a lil spicy in the boss room? Yeah, they came sneaking back out the bushes like: “Uhh we were just getting... reinforcements?” 🚩

Wiglaf: sitting there exhausted, low-key traumatized 🪑😵 The rest: blushing harder than when autocorrect exposes your simping 🫣💅

They saw Beowulf not moving and tried giving him a little splash of Gatorade 🚿🥺 But God said “nah fam, that man’s DLC just expired.” 🛑🕊️

📢 Wiglaf Drops the MIC 🎤😤

Then Wiglaf, son of Weohstan aka the only real one in the whole squad, turned around and ABSOLUTELY ratio’d the fake bros standing there with their clean swords and shaky knees.

“So y’all really left Big B 💪🐺 to 1v1 a fire-breathing loot goblin from Ohio… and now you wanna show up in his gear like you did something?” 😤👎

“He gave y’all the DRIP 💎, the HELMETS 🪖, the SWORDS ⚔️ — all that W equipment — and when it mattered? Y’all dipped harder than a Discord mod when chores get mentioned. 💅📉”

“He didn’t need y’all tho. Nah. He WENT SOLO. 1v1’D the dragon with NO backup like the true Giga Sigma Alpha he is. 🔥💪 And I tried to help. Frfr. Even overclocked my strength stat ⚔️📈 but the dragon’s firewall was still cookin’. Bro had admin powers. 👨‍💻🐉

And where were y’all? Oh right. In the trees. Doing NADA. 🌳🧍‍♂️”

⚠️ Consequences = Unlocked ⚠️

“Now? Ain’t no more loot drops for your squad. 🎁🚫 No more clout. No more XP boosts. 💀 Other kingdoms gonna hear y’all dipped on your king in his final boss fight and you’ll be the laughing stock of the realm. 🫢📉

Tbh? Death > being that cooked 💀🔥. Just saying.”

—

Moral of the story?

🔥 Don’t leave your homies during dragon raids. 💯 Loyalty > loot. 🐺 Beowulf = eternal W. 💅 The rest? Cooked forever. Ratio'd in Valhalla.