Chapter XXXIII: Beowulf vs. The Final Boss in Ohio
Chapter XXXIII: Beowulf vs. The Final Boss in Ohio 🔥
Aka “That time a dragon pulled up and Beowulf said 🧍♂️💥🔥🐉: not on MY watch”
🚨💀🔥 Emergency Alert: FIRE BREATHING RIZZ LIZARD INCOMING 🔥💀🚨
So this crusty ancient dragon 🐉—literal giga-cryptid from the depths of Ohio—just rage-quitted and went full flamethrower mode 💥💨. Bro started vomiting fire like Taco Bell hit different 😭🌮🔥.
The entire mansion? Cooked. Like, burnt to a Minecraft crisp. 💀💀💀
Geat dudes were out here screaming like NPCs in a Bethesda game glitching in the blaze 🧌💢. The dragon was just yeeting hatred everywhere 😤🧯, then slithered back to his loot cave like the goblin gremlin he is 💰🕳️. Bro really said, “Lemme nap on this treasure before the sun comes up 😴✨.”
Spoiler: Big mistake. 🫣💸
😤🔥 Beowulf Gets the Smoke Signal
Our main sigma, Beowulf the Gym Goblin King, wakes up and sees his fave house—the literal GOAT estate, the ultimate frat castle of the Geats—just MELTING 💔🏰🔥.
Bro took one look and was like:
“No way this mid lizard just cooked my entire vibe... 💅”
He starts thinking real deep 😔📿 like,
“Did I anger the Eternal W? Did I mess up the divine grindset??” Emo Beowulf arc unlocked. 💭💀
But nah—this wasn’t guilt. This was PRE-WAR RAGE MODE ⚔️💯.
🛡️ Iron Drip Only, No Wooden Ls Allowed
Beowulf was like:
“Wooden shields? 💀 In THIS economy? I need IRON. FULL IRON. Minecraft enchanted level 💎🛡️.”
Dude knew this was his Final Boss Fight. One last duel. Him vs. the Ohio Dragon 🐉⛓️. Both probs gonna get clapped, no cap.
Did he call backup? NOPE.
He said:
“Army? Nah. I solo. I 1v1. This lizard ain't even built like that fr.” Sigma mentality only.
🏊♂️✨ Flashback: Beowulf Been That Guy
Lowkey, Beowulf had main character energy from day one. Remember when Higelac got absolutely ratio’d in battle? 📉⚔️
Beowulf:
“Time to solo swim outta this L.” And bro carried THIRTY full armor sets underwater like Aquaman on creatine 🏋️🌊💪.
The Hetwars? Cooked. Barbecue’d. Donezo. They pulled up with swords and went back with trauma. 😵🪦
👑💍 Crowned with the W
When he finally made it back, Queen Hygd hit him with the:
“Yo, take the kingdom AND the drip. My son ain’t built for this 😭📉.”
Beowulf said:
“Respectfully? I’m not snatching the throne like that. But I’ll babysit till buddy levels up.” 👶🛡️
He mentored Heardred like a wise Discord mod with 3000 hours in Elder Scrolls 🧙♂️.
But Heardred? Still got cooked. 💀
⚔️ Beowulf vs. The Swedish Ops
So then some Swedish rebels (aka ✨sea-scrolling outlaws✨) tried to cause problems on purpose. Big mistake 🚩.
Beowulf clapped back with ✨sword diplomacy✨ and turned the ops into a history lesson 📚💥. Ongentheow’s kid? Tried it. Failed it. Went home crying. 😭
And Beowulf? Still the W-King of the Geats. Still the 🐺🐺🐺.
✨💀 TL;DR: Ohio Dragon woke up and chose violence 🔥. Beowulf said “Bet.” Solo queued. Final boss loading. Iron shield ready. No fear. Just grindset. 🗿🔥👑
Next time: 🐉 vs. 🧍♂️💪 Only one walks out alive. Place your bets. 💸💀💯