Chapter XXXI: 💎 Beowulf Drops Off the Loot & Becomes the Main Character (Literally) 💎

Yo so picture this: Beowulf just got back from curb-stomping Grendel and his crusty momma in the shadow realm 💀👹, and now he’s pulling up to King Hygelac like:

“Yo unc 😤 I ain’t come back empty-handed frfr. Hrothgar loaded me up with that legendary drip 💅✨ — jewels, armor, even some ancient boar-coded banner 💥. Said I deserved it for soloing the final boss in Ohio 🤺🔥. I'm talkin’ loot drops that would make a loot goblin faint 💰💀.”

This man Beowulf had FULL rizz-respect from King Hrothgar, who basically said:

“Yo, tell Hygelac this fit was King Heregar’s OG gear — never gave it to anyone, not even his fave warrior, cuz that’s how sacred this was. It’s vintage midgardian couture 🧥🗿.”

🎠 BONUS LOOT UNLOCKED: HORSE DLC 🎠

And then Beowulf’s like, “But wait, there’s more‼️” — this man didn’t just bring back a sword and banner, he pulled out TWO horse bundles 🐎🐎 straight outta Asgard. Matching stallions, elegant AF. The vibes? Immaculate 💯.

“Cuz that’s how a real kin rolls — no backstabbing, no among us sus behavior 🚫🧌. Just loyalty, W energy, and horse power. 🐴💖”

💅 Queen Higyd Gets the Neck Bling 💅

Our sigma king also brought a necklace with giga-rizz — one of those “✨made by elves in Valinor probably✨” kinda gems — and gave it to Queen Hygd.

“Yo m’lady, this ain’t from Claire’s. This is Wealhtheow-certified 💎. Comes with three show ponies 🐎🐎🐎. Ride or shine, queen 💅‼️”

And when the mead party wrapped, Hygd was literally glowing up like:

“Sheeesh 💃 this jewel hittin’ different post-feast!”

📈 Beowulf’s Glow-Up Arc 📈

Now back in the day, people were sleepin’ on Beowulf 😴. Said he was all brawn, no W’s. Mid. Cooked. Just a gym bro without the clout 🏋️‍♂️📉.

“Can’t even hold a mead cup without spilling it 💀” – some hater, probably.

But NOW? Man’s the GOAT. Sigma tier. Didn’t even get toxic with power, just stayed honorable, respectful, and cracked outta his mind in combat 🐺💪.

👑 KING ENERGY UNLOCKED 👑

Hygelac was like, “You know what? Take this weapon heirloom, bro. It’s peak Geat tech ⚔️. Literally no weapon richer in the whole squad.”

Then he hits Beowulf with the "Seven thousand coins + Real Estate Bundle DLC 🏡💰." AND land title. AND lordship.

Split some territory with him, but gave Beowulf the bigger slice ‘cause he’s built different 🧱. No cap.

🪦 RIP the Homies… Now It’s Beowulf’s Time 🪦

But then 💀 plot twist 💀: Hygelac got ratio’d in battle 🗡️, and then Heardred, the next guy up, also got clapped by some sweaty PvP raid squad from the Scylfings. 👑📉

So the people were like:

“Uh... Beowulf, you up next frfr?”

And this man didn’t flinch. Said:

“Bet 😤”

Held the Geat nation down for 50 winters like a giga-chad king 🤴🐺. Wise. Unbothered. High-value male behavior 📈💯.

🔥 But Then Came the DRAGON. Final Boss Alert. 🔥

Just when things were finally chill... BOOM. Outta nowhere, a dragon with ancient crypto wealth starts acting up in the gray hills 🐉💰.

Bro had a secret stash under a cursed mountain 💀. Literally guarding his bag like a paranoid NFT bro on Discord.

And then one random NPC strolls into the dragon’s cave and touches the hoard like it’s NBD...

...and THAT’S when all hell broke loose.

TO BE CONTINUED ‼️💀🔥📉🗿