Chapter XXIV: “THE RIZZ BLADE & THE OHIO FINAL BOSS FINALE”
Chapter XXIV: THE RIZZ BLADE & THE OHIO FINAL BOSS FINALE” 💥
So Beowulf's down in this cursed underwater NPC dungeon 🧌🌊, just fought Grendel's mom aka the OG Karen of the mere 😤💅, and he's like:
“Aight bet, this ain't over 🔥.”
Then bro spotted the literal Excalibur of Ohio—💯💀 a Giant W Sword forged by giga-chads from the ancient gym dimension. Sword so THICC it needed its own zip code 💪🗿.
“This blade built DIFFERENT frfr 😳🗡️.”
He grabs the hilt like it owes him money 💀, full sigma mindset activated 😤. No respawns. No medkits. Just grindset.
💬 “No cap, she’s getting COOKED rn. ⚔️🔥”
He yeets the blade straight through Karen's crusty ribcage 🫠💅—BOOM—clean hit, she folded like a Walmart lawn chair 💀. Blood DLC unlocked. He’s not just surviving, he’s THRIVING.
✨ THE SWORD GLOWS UP ✨
The sword starts glowing like it’s powered by ✨ LED gamer energy ✨ — dude legit out here swinging a divine RGB lightsaber 🗡️🌈. Beowulf’s like:
“Why this blade lookin like it just hit level 100 in Fortnite 💫👑??”
He looks around like a boss in third-person mode 🎮, full alpha rage activated. Then he remembers Grendel 🧌👹—that goofy goober who was munchin’ on Danes like a late-night snack pack 😩💀.
💀 R.I.P. GRUBHUB GREMLIN 💀
So he finds Grendel’s crusty corpse, just lying there like he rage-quit life 📉. Beowulf was like:
“Nah, you thought I forgot? L bozo. You gettin that posthumous ratio 🧢.”
Then bro slices off the head like he’s tryna go viral on “Ohio Chef Reactions 🍳” TikTok. Grendel = decapitated. No respawn. No sequel. Just W.
🌊 SEA TURNED TO RED GATORADE 🩸
Meanwhile, the squad up top was watching the cursed hot tub turn red like a CoD killcam 🌊🩸. They’re like:
“Bro definitely got cooked. Ain’t no way he's coming back 💀💀.”
Even Hrothgar was like:
“He was a real one 😔🧓. F in the chat.”
Everyone started packing up to bounce, assuming our hero got ratio’d by the abyss.
🐺 BUT THEN… SURFACE LEVEL COMEBACK 🐺
Plot twist. Outta nowhere, Beowulf rises from the waves like Poseidon after a protein shake 🌊😤—drippin, flexin, and holding Grendel’s NPC HEAD like it’s a gym trophy 🏆.
The squad saw him and popped off like a Twitch chat:
“NO WAY HE ATE THAT ‼️‼️ GOAT STATUS 🐐🐐🔥”
They unstrapped his battle drip, thanked God with 3x praise emojis 🙌🙌🙌, and started marching back to Heorot with Grendel’s oversized melon on a stick 🧌➡️🗡️.
🏰 VICTORY PARADE VIBES 🏰
The vibes? ✨Immaculate✨. Four dudes had to carry that head—it was giving “Ohio Kaiju energy” 👹📦. Beowulf walked up to the palace like:
“Tell Hrothgar the NPC slayer is back 😤‼️”
Everyone inside the mead-hall mid-sip like:
“Yo, is that our boy???”
And he pulls up, big W energy, ready to drop lore, flex the loot, and serve Hrothgar his enemies’ heads like it's Uber Eats 🍽️💀.
To be continued… 🐉🔥
Next time on “Only In Heorot 💅✨” — Beowulf gives TED talk, flexes his KD ratio, and maybe cries a little 🥲