Chapter XXIII: Beowulf vs. the Sea Witch from Ohio 💀🌊🔥

🧌 Beowulf Drops a Final W Speech 💬💯

Beowulf was like: “Yo, Uncle Hrothgar 🧓💎, remember the pact we made? If I get cooked by this Ohio swamp hag 👹💀, you gotta keep it 💯 and take care of my boys. They're not just NPCs—they're my ride-or-dies, my gym bros, my clan. Protect them frfr 🛡️😤.

Also, if I get ratio’d by this sea goblin, send all this ice 💍✨—the loot you gave me—to King Hygelac 🐺 back home. Let him flex on the haters with that bling and know I didn’t just vibe here—I went beast mode and bagged some serious treasure. No cap 💎📈.

Oh, and let Unferth have Hrunting ⚔️💅. Yeah, that mid sword he lent me? Give it back. Let him hang it on his wall or whatever, tell people he helped. I’ll either solo this boss and get my W 🏆 or get clapped and log off permanently.”

No one had time to reply—bro was already speedrunning his death arc ⏱️🫡. He just yeeted himself into the sea like a true sigma alpha marine 😤🌊.

🌊 Welcome to the Ohio Water Temple 😱🧌

It took a whole day for him to even reach the seafloor—like this dungeon had levels. Finally, the Sea Witch 🧜‍♀️👹—Grendel’s mommy issues in creature form—sensed some intruder energy. She’d been rage-chilling down there for 50 years like a boss-level Karen with unresolved trauma 🫠📆.

She snatched our boy Beowulf like, “New phone who dis?!” 💅🫴 But his drip 💧 was too legendary—her claws couldn’t even scratch him. That armor? Maxed out. Diamond-plated. God-tier mail shirt 🛡️🔥.

She tried dragging him to her underwater lair like it was her crusty Airbnb 💀, but sea monsters started swarming him like “Lemme get a piece of that protein” 🦈😩. Still, they couldn’t pierce the drip.

🔥 The Real Fight Begins — And It’s Not Looking Good 📉

Eventually, Beowulf hits the underwater man-cave—a dry spot with ✨firelight✨ and hella vibes. And there she is: the Sea Hag of Ohio 👹🧜‍♀️.

Bro pulls up with Hrunting, does a full anime swing ⚔️💥—and it goes clink. YUP. Sword said “nah fam” 😭 All that hype, and the blade went ✨mid✨ when it mattered. First L that sword ever took. Cursed frfr.

But Beowulf? He’s not built like the rest of us. Dude dropped the sword, flexed his forearms, and said, “Time for raw hands.” 🐺👐💪 Real sigma grindset moment.

💀 MMA Match: Beowulf vs. Grendel’s MILF 👹🔥

Beowulf straight-up tackled the sea witch like it was Wrestlemania 🐉💥. They scrapped HARD—she countered with a revenge arc for her only son, Grendel (RIP, you Ohio cryptid 😔👹). Pulled out a whole machete-sized knife 😳🔪.

She tried to finish him off but AGAIN—his armor said “Blocked. Reported.” 📵🛡️ The weave on that chainmail? Built DIFFERENT. No cuts, no scratches, just pure drip defense 💯💅.

But let’s be real—dude was seconds away from becoming shark food 🦈💀. If it weren’t for his armor AND Big G upstairs ✝️ pulling some divine intervention, man would've been deleted from the server. Heaven said “Not today, bestie ✨.”

He got up. Angry. Ready to throw hands. Like a true alpha on his redemption arc 😤🔥

To Be Continued... 💥🧌💧 Stay tuned to see if Beowulf catches the W or gets ratio’d by Grendel's sea mom in part two of “Why You Shouldn’t Swim in Ohio” 💀🌊📺‼️