Chapter XXII: “Beowulf’s Pull-Up Game = 💯. Vengeance Arc Unlocked 🔥👹”
Chapter XXII: Beowulf’s Pull-Up Game = 💯. Vengeance Arc Unlocked 🔥👹”
🧓💭 Hrothgar: “bro my day-one Æschere just got ratio’d by Grendel’s crusty sis and I’m in my feels rn…”
😤💪 Beowulf (aka Sigma Grindset King) stepped in like:
“Ayo, big H-Dawg, no cap, stop the sob story 😤‼️ Real ones don’t cry, we get EVEN 💥. Everyone finna get packed one day frfr 🪦 But me? I’m farming XP for glory before I get perma-deleted 💯. Æschere? L-ified, but we’re gonna avenge the homie 🔥 Let’s bounce. I'm tracking this NPC’s creepy footsteps 👣 rn. She ain’t escaping — not to the woods, not to the sea, not even to Ohio 🧌💀 I will solo this raid boss.”
🎺🧎♂️Old Man Hrothgar hits the W gratitude pose like 🙏
“Thanks, based Almighty 🛐 this sigma’s got W energy.”
🐎 Squad Rollout: Lord of the Rizz and His Horses 🐎🔥
The king’s crew saddled up on curly-maned warhorses like they were riding into Coachella but make it medieval. 🌲👣 They found the she-cryptid’s tracks — big ol’ stomp marks through the mud, fen, and foggy Ohio landscape. Girl straight up speedran outta there dragging poor Æschere’s no-longer-breathing body like a GTA NPC glitch 💀.
Path = cursed: 🪨 Slippery cliffs, creepy woods, narrow cringe trails, and nicker-haunts (aka sea demon Airbnbs) 🧌🏞️
Beowulf was out there doing a solo horror game side quest while the rest of the squad was on edge like:
“Bro this vibe is NOT it… 😨”
Then they pull up to a haunted Hot Topic lake that’s literally boiling in blood and trauma 💀🌊💉. Oh and btw? Æschere’s head is just… there 😬🧠. Cue collective existential dread from all the Danes. 📉📉
💀 Ohio Cryptid Central: Real Ones Only
Suddenly, the squad sees every cursed sea beast from the Monster Manual: 🐍 Serpents 🐉 Sea-dragons 🧌 Nickers All just vibing on the rocks like it’s their day off. One even tried to slither away when they heard the war horn go 💥📣.
But Beowulf went full anime protagonist:
"You're not that guy, pal 😤" 💥Yeeted his spear at one and cooked it mid-splash. They dragged it out like, “y’all seeing this?”
⚔️ Suit Up: Time to Go Full Main Character
Beowulf equipped the DRIP OF DESTINY 🛡️💎:
- Custom corset (hand-woven, ofc) = 🧵💪
- Helmet with LED glow-up energy = 🪖✨
- Enchanted with 0% bite rate, anti-NPC grab 🛑🗡️
- Made with boar swag for extra W 🐗🔥
And then there’s Hrunting — legendary blade, maxed out stats, poison DLC installed ☠️🗡️. Never failed. Never mid. Always slay 💅
Shoutout to Unferth, that mid-tier keyboard warrior 🧢🍷, who lent Beowulf the sword to make up for being L-coded earlier. (But let’s be honest, dude was way too shook to fight himself 😵💫)
🎬 Coming Up Next: Beowulf vs Swamp Demon Karen 💥👹
Stay tuned, bc our boy's about to dive into the Ohio bloodpool and go 1v1 with a swamp-dwelling she-beast in her crusty cave dungeon 💀🏊♂️
"One man. One blade. One Ohio lake. Let’s get it." 🎥🔥