Chapter XVII: “🛡️Rizz & Regret in the Mead-Hall💔🔥”
Chapter XVII: Rizz & Regret in the Mead-Hall💔🔥”
So boom 💥— after all that Grendel drama 👹 got cooked, King Hrothgar (aka Wise Grandpa Vibes™ 🧓) was like:
“Bet. Y’all real ones for backing up my boy Beowulf frfr 💯. Lemme bless the squad.”
📦✨He starts handing out W gifts to Beowulf’s crew — mead-bench drip drops 💸. One guy even got a whole ancient family heirloom like, "Congrats, you didn’t get ratio’d by a demon 💀." And for the dude Grendel absolutely yeeted into the shadow realm, Hrothgar made sure his fam got that insurance payout. 🪦💰 No cap.
But then bro goes full philosopher NPC 🧘:
“Listen up, kings 🤴— this Ohio simulation is wild. God be RNG'ing our lives daily 🎲, so stay woke or get cooked. Life’s a L, frfr.”
Cut to 🎶 bard time 🎶 — Hrothgar’s personal Spotify Wrapped bard starts STRUMMING on his joy-wood (not a euphemism this time 😳), and hits everyone with a sad boi hours saga 📜😔.
🎤🔥"BALLAD OF THE BURNT BOIS" (feat. Hildeburg)
So apparently this Half-Dane Giga-Chad Hnæf 👑 tried pulling up on the Frisians, but he got absolutely Ohio’d on sight. 💀⚔️
Enter: Hildeburg — queen with trauma so deep it’s got DLC. 👸💔 Her entire fam (brothers AND baby boy 😭) got deleted when shields got clapped. She didn’t even do anything sus. Just caught strays from fate’s algorithm 💻.
Next morning: she wakes up, checks the vibes outside… and it’s just bodies 💀. Full-on warzone. Fortnite final circle energy 🌀.
Finn — the Frisian king (aka Off-Brand Hrothgar) — realizes he’s got like 5 NPCs left and no respawn cards. Bro couldn’t even 1v1 Hengest, who was pulling up with Reaper energy ☠️.
So Finn’s like, “ok ok we chillin now?” 😅✌️
🤝 They make a truce:
- Split the mead-hall like a roommate situation 🏠
- Share the aux cord 🎵
- Finn agrees to give Hengest’s homies rings, drip, and emotional support gold 💍💰
BUT. If anyone dares bring up the drama again? ⚔️ Immediate smiting. No subtweets. Just swordplay. 🗡️
🪦🔥 “SEND HIM TO THE PYRE” 🔥🪦
Time to yeet Hnæf into the afterlife with style 😤. They build a W pyre, stackin bodies like logs. Fire boutta go supernova 🌋.
They toss in:
- His blood-drip armor 💉🛡️
- Golden boar bling 🐗✨
- Tons of L’d-up warriors who got clapped
Then 💔 Hildeburg pulls up like:
“I got one more thing to burn 😭👉 my literal child.”
🥺 She cradles her baby, weeps like it’s a Lana Del Rey track, and lets the flames take them both. Tragic slay 💅🔥
The fire goes full berserker mode 🔥🌀:
- Helmets MELTING 🫠
- Flesh: crispy
- Wounds: leaking
- Sky: smoked tf out ☁️🌑
The war took the top Gs from both squads 🧌🧍— now they’re BBQ'd together in Valhalla ✨. The vibes? Bittersweet AF.
Moral of the story? Even sigma warriors can’t escape the Ohio timeline 🗿💥. Stay based, but stay humble.